Down the Fox Hole
by xXDemDemXx
Summary: And whoever said crawling through a fox hole never saved a life, huh? What? No one said it didn't. Huh . . .
1. Car Ride of Boredom

Depressingly staring out the window. One of the only things I can think of that could possibly become any form of entertainment while in the car, driving down an endless dirt road with properties left and right. Well, one of the only things, besides my music of course, amplified into my ears through the majesty of my DJ headphones, Skull Candy brand of course.

**Don't cha ever wonder why they named their brand Skull Candy of all things? I mean how do you come up with a name combined of two things so different?**

_Oh, sweet, dear Inner, why the fuck are you back? All those fucking years of therapy gone to waste! Why are you so cruel?_

**Oh, Saku baby, missed you too bitch. You should know I'm always here . . . ALWAYS. Now, the hell did I miss?**

_None of your damn business._

Normally I'd be fine with Inner, but a few months after ridding my head of her, my dad was found dead in his car, gun at hand. I can't truly forgive her since I tried to conjure her up for a companion who would understand. But no, all I got was a note laying on top of the dead body of her boyfriend, stating she was on 'vacation'. Bullshit.

Changing topic. I never understood what happened, to my dad that night. How could my dad go and pull the trigger on himself when he had me and mom? Well mostly me, my dad was a cool stay at home dad's. I still remember him whooping my ass at Halo. He was the greatest, where as my mom was not so much. She worked all day, or so she wanted us to think. But setting all that aside, he never showed any signs of depression before. Well, at least, not the suicidal kind.

About 6 months after that, my mom started dating. And not the, 'oh I know you from my line of work', kind, nope it was the 'I just met you, and this is crazy! But here's my number, so call me maybe?' kind. But putting the way she hooked up with people aside, I never really cared, seeing as I was throwing a pity party for myself in the corner of my room, being as unsocial as possible. For example. I pulled out my phone and flipped it open, brushing off the thin sheet of dust and turning it on. After the screen flashed with the colors of my wallpaper, it only took five seconds for the on slaughter of stored text messages to barrage my inbox.

I now felt slightly bad for delaying all my friends explanations of why I was skipping school and cancelling arranged get togethers. But as I stated before, I'm depressed, heck maybe even slightly on the emo side, not as bad as Sasuke though.

Sighing, I deleted all the messages. I mean, hell man, I'm not reading and responding to all of that! Set it to vibrate, flipped it shut and shoved it into my right butt pocket, yeah, ha-ha butt pocket, I'm rolling my eyes. I'll get around to texting them later, maybe.

Anyways, I'm in the car with my mom, stretched out on the backseat staring out the window of the acres upon acres of green seas, in other words acres of grass that is starting to give me a headache. I turned my gaze to glare at my mother, driving oh so joyfully in the driver's seat, ignoring her 'emo in training' daughter. Deciding that she was ignoring my death glare, I turned to look out the window once more.

Glaring, glaring, glaring!

**I'm with ya sista! Keep it up, maybe it'll catch on fire!**

_Too much sarcasm there Inner._

**Bah! There is no such thing as too much sarcasm!**

_Here we go again. Inner, your grounded, go to your room!_

**But I don't wanna!**

_Inner?_

I sighed in content at my now silent head. Just as I closed my eyes enjoying the peacefulness, we literally screeched to a stop. I hit the floor between the seats and my mom gleefully announced our arrival. Grumbling I sat up rubbing my abused head and crawled out. Feet hitting the solid ground I slumped and dragged my feet towards the trunk, which was now popped and pulled out my bags.

Hands full, I walked around the car, glared at mom and . . . person of male variety, I slugged up to the porch steps and sat waiting for the dolts to figure out I haven't shriveled up from the sun . . . yet. As they chittered I stood and examined the house. It was a small two story house with plenty of acres. Around back was a red barn and some fenced land surrounded with horses. Boxing in the land was a forest of trees. A very, thick, dark, creepy forest. Great, the better to get murdered in, huh?

I damned my luck, as per usual, and turned to see Person, as I officially dubbed him, lead mom into the house carrying all her bags. Someone wants to get in her pants, here's a hint, it isn't me.

I trudged to them and grabbed my bags following them in. I caught them at the stairs. As he turned to face mom, he finally acknowledged my pitiful existence and scrunched his face motioning to the door besides the staircase. I glared and walked towards it.

**Hell yeah! We're gunna become Harry Potter bitches!**

I groaned and hoped for anything but a tight cramped closet. I crossed my fingers and opened the door, seeing a staircase leading down. Oh joy, screw being Harry Potter, I get the dark torture chamber of happy rainbows and fluffy llamas.

I quietly trudged downstairs, and was warmly welcomed with a corner full of hay with a sheet atop it and a lamp. Which was kinda dumb considering there was no power outlet down here. Way to pick 'em mom!

One more glance and I noticed another stair case that must lead out the back. Sighing, I listened to what was going on upstairs that seemed like happy laughter and joy filled voices. I guess I could get used to this, for mom. I smiled thinking greatly of myself for this so called 'self-sacrifice', until I felt something small and furry rub against my leg and looked to the floor just in time to see a pink tail disappear through a fist sized hole in the wall. Gross, on second though, screw self-sacrifice, that's the parents job, I have to much to live for to be eaten by rats now.

Sighing in depression I walked upstairs, well mostly to get away from the rats. I glanced around in search of a mirror. I walked towards the living room finding a rectangular full length mirror hung on the wall. I walked toward it and was surprised by my appearance, but in my defense, locking yourself in your room in a corner not moving unless absolutely necessary doesn't have any self-admiration time.

Anyway, my reflection showed a unhealthy type of skinny, petite girl, with pixie cut short pastel pink hair and heavily eye lined dead emerald green eyes, with skin so pale it'd put a ghost to shame. I also hate to admit it, but I'm just short of swimming in my clothes. To sum up what I just said into five words: damn I look fucked up! Well, I would actually say four words and one letter, but whatever.

As I stared at the mirror I saw dearest mother laughing with Person completely ignoring my being, mature mother, very mature. I turned to face them and walked right by them, neither giving the slightest attention to me. Achievement unlocked: Invisibility. Joy.

As I stomped down to my . . . uhhh . . . haystack (or rat infested nest), I wished that father was still up and kickin' or, for the very least, that we never left the city and the only people that I knew. I damned my luck for the second time this day and fell unceremoniously onto the haystack, and happily let sleep over come me.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Sorry, I'm being a complete idiot, this is actually just the first chapter, edited to be longer. I know most of you are probably wanting to shoot me, and I promise to hand out tickets for that later. But right now, I feel the need to rewrite (edit actually since I'm a lazy person) every chapter, it won't take long. Also it appears as if I might be able to put up a cover. Fun. Anyway, shoot me all you want, but I promise I'll at least have all the chapters edited, and HOPEFULLY have a new chapter up at some point. <span>**


	2. His Name is Dumpling, Bitch!

I am so close to blowing my brains out. For what reason? After staying at person's house for a little over a week, I figured that he doesn't care if I rot down here. No food, water, showers, nothing . . . at all. That means, yes, lumber jack style.

Eww.

Honestly, I couldn't agree more.

If all that wasn't bad enough, they did a few unmentionable deeds up there. Rather loudly, mind you. Since when did they evolve into bunnies?

I swear they read my mind as I suddenly clutched at my ears from the annoying sound that slithered into my 'rainbow filled llama ranch of joy and happiness'. Screw self-sacrifice! Stomping my foot I declared to myself that I was going up there to let them know I had enough, I was through! I was gunna jack mom's car and hightail it home, even if home would be a cardboard box in an alley.

I muttered profanities as I stomped up the stairs. Just as my hand encircled the knob leading to the light, gun shots thundered. Footsteps, pounding feet heading towards my door. Bam, another shot, sounding closer. A sickening thud. I was still, my body feeling numb all around I couldn't think. My body felt heavy as if weights had been placed upon my person. I didn't want to but I slowly casted my gaze down. My reward? The horrible sight of dark red ooze from under the crack in the door.

My eyes brimmed with tears and I had to clamp a hand over my mouth preventing a shriek from escaping. My breathing deepened, I was in utter shock. And only moments after, heavy footsteps made their way to the door, well, MY door. I froze in fear.

**MOVE SAKURA! HIDE! GET A DAMNED WEAPON!**

And as if Inner woke me from a spell, I went nuts, glancing around for something, anything. I glanced at the lamp that was unable to meet its purpose in life and snatched it, hiding under the wooden stairs. I willed my breathing to lighten up, so as not to be heard and slaughtered, and then instantly stiffened. Footsteps slowly and agonizingly came down the stairs, creak after creak, squeak after squeak. Tension and fear rose, and the world seemed to slow as adrenaline pumped through my veins.

I watched, in an agonizingly slow motion, as the figure looked around. Eyes landing on my haystack, cause let's admit it folks, that is no bed. Mysterious hooded man walked over to investigate, and I slowly and shakily came out from under the stairs, only to stop as he intended to turn around. I gulped, thinking surely this was the end of my life in rainbowed llama land. But, to everyone's surprise, a fox jumped out, a small red and black fox, probably no larger than a foot and a half.

The hooded man turned his gaze to it and lifted his gun, pointing it at the so called 'Threat'. I spotted an opening and smashed him in the back of the head with the lamp, effectively knocking him out, but murdering my lamp in the process. No time to party though as I glanced around. Red fox ran to the stairs that led out and I mentally smacked myself.

_Why the hell didn't I think of that?_

**Cause we're some damned idiots?**

_Fuck you._

**Do you have narcissism?**

_Go to hell._

**If you don't get us out of here, then we both will.**

Snapping out of it, I ran towards the door and flung it open running outside, glancing around frantically. That's when I spotted the little fox look at me for the border of the woods, slightly to the right of the barn but across the fenced off areas. Betting my life it would get me away from the Michael Meyers wannabe I ran after it, vaulting over the fences and hoped for the best. But then again, when has luck ever done anything for me? Oh, that's right. NEVER.

Anyways, I ran through a forest, with a small red and black fox that seemed to slow for me, but seriously, why the hell would an animal do that? Heck I kick puppies . . . no, not really, but I did kick a person who kicked a puppy. Is that like an indirect puppy kick? If so, I'm sorry puppy, I didn't mean to, honest.

Back to reality, it's really dark, I'm surprised I can see as well as I can in the pitch blackness, but then again I di live in a basement with no outlets. Speaking of, that lamp woulda been sad here, knowing it was made to light up a place like this but couldn't cause some jack ass didn't have power outlets in his basement. Or enough decency to get shot with his pants on. Alright, maybe that last tid-bit was a little much, but in all honesty, he did lock me in a basement.

As I rambled on about nothing, I guess I failed to notice how the trees thinned out, cause I broke through the borderline of the forest and instantly hissed, covering my eyes from the bright light. It took a moment to adjust and I glanced around. A small circular meadow with grass up to my waist. No, hell no, not like the one in Twilight. Speaking of which, if a man just so happened to walk out of the trees and shine like a damned princess's tiara, I'd in order, puke, go blind, and die a slow painful death, damning him with all my might.

**FOCUS!**

_On?_

**Dumpling!**

_Who the hell is 'Dumpling'?_

**Our savior the fox, duh.**

I snapped out of it, fox . . . fox . . . . foooooox . . . Oh, that fox, I knew that. Wanna know why I knew that? 'Cause I'm pretty damn smart!

I glanced around and spotted the fox, and if foxes could make faces, it would have a 'Bitch please' look going on, no joke.

I jogged over to it, and when I was only a few feet away, it crawled into a hole. A small, fucking, hole. Kinda like a- the sound of a gunshot rang, piercing through my train of thought.

_Damn you luck!_

**Bitch, follow Dumpling, your plenty damn skinny enough, hell you could put anorexic people to shame. Plus, when has Dumpling ever led us wrong?**

_I'm not that skinny, and plus, we just met that flea infested animal . . ._

**FOCUS!**

Sighing, I got down on hands and knees and crawled into the hole, quickly mind you. Now, why the hell does this seem so familiar? Like a popular children's movie of some sort. About a girl? And a clock? Nah, clocks can roll, not run from girls.

I crawled as I pondered the characters and plot over, trying to remember the movie. Then it hit me.

_THE LITTLE MERMAID!_

**I don't think that's right . . . **

I went back to think when it suddenly hit me. Sadly, I was to busy screaming over the fact that the ground gave way.

I fell down a hole.

Damn you small creatures and always making skinny ass girls follow you into holes. Curse you all.

* * *

><p><strong>I guess you could say trying to post up edited chapters quickly is my way of apologizing, though you can all shoot me still. Anyway, editing will probably be done by tomorrow plus a chapter maybe, depends on what I have planned (which should be nothing considering I'm achey and grumpy). Also, pardon my spelling mistakes since I'm editing and typing on WordPad since my microsoft word is being a bitch. And, no, spelling mistakes in Author's Notes don't count. And if I'm not asking to much of your time, a nice little review would be nice, just a small compliment or what could be improved maybe? I promise I'm not gunna yell at you, plus they are quite encouraging :)<strong>


	3. Back Stabbing Dumpling

You know those times, where somethings happening, that is absolutely terrifying, and you scream and scream and scream, but it doesn't do shit? Yeah, I'm having one of those moments. Because of that stupid fox, I started falling down a pitch black tunnel, going through red cloud with white lining. Why the clouds look like that, I will never know.

**. . . I want White Castle, bitch.**

_Inner, sorry to ruin your WC mood, but we could very well, oh, let's say for example: DIE! _

**Damn girl, why so serious?**

_Bitch._

I left her to snicker to herself like a lunatic, then I remembered what was going on. Holy shit! I curled in on myself and covered my face as I fell through yet another cloud. I moved my arm slightly, and panicked.

"Inner!" I yell aloud, not caring at all, I mean hell not like some other idiot is falling with me, "I see the light!" that would be one hundred percent true, in fact, I was falling towards the light. Might I add as an after thought, at break neck speed. "I don't wanna die!"

**DON'T GO TOWARDS THE LIGHT! WE'RE STILL VIRGINS! I DON'T WANNA DIES VIRGIN!**

"Shut the hell up Inner, who gives a shit if we're still virgin if we're gunna-oof!" Yeah, I stopped falling, and hell I'm still alive. I glanced up slightly, seems I fell upside down on a couch. A very soft couch mind you, way better than those numerous clouds I hit. A second glance showed that the Inner proclaimed 'Dumpling' was staring at me.

"The hell you want? Bitch, can't even talk." I, oh so maturely, stuck my tongue out at it.

"Well, I was just pondering why the hell you were yelling at yourself as you fell. Especially the part where no one would care if you died a virgin, cause I assure you, people do care." Dumpling said, with a mischievous glint in his eyes.

I dumbly stared, dumb founded, then inputted, very intelligently, "DAYUM! DA' HELLS WITH DA TALKIN DUMPIN?" pardon my slang.

"I am a fox, not a dumpling, mind you." He gave me another 'Bitch Please' look.

"I don't give a flying shit," I stated as I twisted off the couch to stand and walk to him, "I named ya Dumpling!" I picked him up and raised him to my face, "So your Dumpling, not like you already have a name . . . " I then gave him a suspicious glare.

"I infact do have a name, and it isn't a type of food, mind you." He glared then jumped out of my arms and ran off leaving me in a very weird place. Weird, because it looks like a over grown garden, just short of being a jungle.

"The hell am I?" I said aloud and groaned when Inner just inserted a shrug. I walked around, feeling the walls for a door or something, I mean, Dump- err fox . . . . pers-er . . . animal got out, so could I . . . maybe.

After, oh I don't know I hate watches, they itch, say nine minutes, I brushed a circular door knob, hidden behind a wall of ivy. I pulled and quickly walked into the room, grateful that there weren't any walls of ivy. Infact, the room I was in was a pearly white with tiled floors and eggshell white walls. A plush white love seat and complimenting singles adorned the middle of the room, surrounding a rectangular coffee table. A fireplace was to my right, and a brilliantly decorated chandelier hung just over the coffee table. But other than all that, I couldn't seem to find a way out.

I walked along the wall, fingers brushing it, hoping to find something that would let me out. I was foolish, nothing was there, I sat with a huff on the love seat. Geez, where's that clever fox when you damn well need him?

I threw my hands up in aggravation and stood, giving the room one more once over. Thoroughly surprised when a door turned up out of nowhere. I am dead serious, that door was not there the first time I glanced around the room, it's magic. I creeped over to it and laid my ear against it, because honestly, you don't go bursting through doors. I heard voices, very masculine voices at that. See, random horror movie knowledge, for the WIN!

"So, your saying she's in that room?" man one.

"Certain of it, I am a clever fox you know." Dumpling? Back-stabbing low life, scum! Actually, he never said he was on my side to begin with, hmmm.

"This is the only door out right?"

"O fcourse it is! She is to stupid to try any means of escape! Not to mention she is very slow, if she comes running out, it wouldn't take long to catch her." scoffed my little backstabber.

"Very well, we shall wait here then."

I pulled away from the door outraged, "I am NOT stupid." I growled.

**You got that right, let's show them how fucking smart we are!**

_And how do you suggest that?_

**Oh, dear sweet Saku, ain't that hard to think, ne?**

_Actually it is, now care to enlighten me?_

**You are such a dumb ass, but I will tell you anyway, if only for my sake.**

_Good, now spill._

We had a plan, I can't tell you, because . . . well because, but I will say, it involves crayons, colored paper, scissors, and a net. No, not really that evil more like a 'Who isn't smart now bitches?' in your face kinda thing. Well, maybe I'll tell you . . . AFTER it's set up.

After the things I needed, somehow magically appeared like the door did, I got to work cutting up the paper and setting the net up and drawing. I grinned at my work. And since I won't be here to laugh in their faces I'll explain: I wrote on their walls, hee hee, no, it's just a message letting them know I am a smart ass. I put the confetti like pieces of paper, and scissors for the hell of it, inside the net, I strung it to the wall and strung it to the door knob so when the door opened, it would fall on them.

I admired my work quickly before turning to the fireplace and climbed inside, it was just big enough for me to shimmy up to victory in. I grinned happily as I made my way up and out. Dear sweet outdoors here I come!

* * *

><p><strong>See? I'm editing quickly :D<strong>


	4. Getting Your Facts Straight

I felt like a ninja, why? Cause I'm crawling all silent like, and my clothes are black along with smudges on my skin. Yup, I am so totally a ninja. Well, if you don't count the string of curses as I started me climb.

**There goes out favorite dark blue shirt, I think I'm gunna cry!**

Ignored! Anyway, up and, taking a quick leap up and snagging the edges of the chimney, out! I stood feet apart, one foot on either side of the chimney, triumphantly smirking and balled fists settled at my hip. Oh the sweet smell of victory! Or ancient dried smoke. Whichever makes it worth it, in other words, it's the victory one, duh.

I started to pat as much soot off as possible, which might have been a mistake, oh what am I talking about, there's no way that it could be a mistake. Especially in a bright world that looked as if it was stolen off my grandma's fridge. But then again, when has luck favored me? Looking up I met the blue eyes of a blonde girl with yellow bird wings on her back. What a pretty angellic figure she was.

"Hi, chicke!" I smiled and waved, fully expecting a simple hello accompanied by a smile.

Not my best course of action I presume as her face turned red in anger and she yelled, like a bitch might I add, "I'M NOT A GIRL, YEAH!" screw angels, this girl was a little demon on her period.

"So, you're not a girl?" I questioned, hoping she didn't snap at me.

"NO, YEAH!" blonde screeched.

"Wait, are you or aren't you?" I asked, headache forming.

"I'M NOT, YEAH!" blonde screeched, yet again.

"Your confusing, so," I lifted the blondes baby blue shirt up to blondie's head, "Well, it's settled." I pulled the shirt back down and stuck a hand at him to shake, "Congratulations, it's a boy!" I declared happily.

No response, just a glare. I took my hand back. Geez and I thought I had issues.

"Whatever, I gotta find a way home." I turned to leave. She-male decided against it grabbed me by the back of the collar and flew down off the roof, dropping me at the feet of some carrot-top. A very menacing carrot-top.

I glance up seeing that this guy has a brown tail with a bushel of fur at the end and light brown, round ears hidden in his orange hair. His face had pierces all over, like no joke, I think I counted at least eight from my position on the ground.

_Hey Inner, what animal do you think he is?_

**Uh, hm, maybe a . . . LION! Yeah that's it!**

_I knew that!_

We sat in my head arms over each other's shoulders laughing like dumb mudda fawkas.

"Where is she from?" asked lion man.

"Caught her on the roof, yeah."

Lion man looked at me with eyes that seemed to pierce through my skin, hee hee pierce.

"Open that door." He ordered like he's been bossing people around his entire life.

"How about I don't open the door . . . " I trail off as I give the door a weary look.

"Or you open it." an overgrown Simba growled.

I puffed out my cheeks childishly as I stand and walk to the door and open it. I almost stepped inside when the scissors fell and embedded themselves in the ground, right where I was about to step.

**Ya know, I forgot all about those.**

_Yeah, but luckily, I saved my foot!_

**Our. . . our foot, I live here to ya know.**

_Pfft, your just some mental disease I picked up from that rabid dog, no wonder you're not supposed to get close to animals with rabies . . . _

**FOCUS!**

_Damn Inner, is that your slogan or something?_

**Only when necessary.**

She bowed and left me alone, to lion guy glaring at me. I sheepishly put a hand to my neck.

"Ha ha, how did those get there?" I chuckled, feigning innocence.

"Bitch, yeah." Muttered bird-man.

"At least we can establish I'm a girl." I shot back jumping into defense as he lunged. But lion man grabbed his wings and let out a ferocious growl. I smiled, "Daw, thank you, Lion-niichan!" I giggled. They both shot me questioning looks, and lion man looked like he was having a quarrel inside his head, loosening and gripping the wings of the blonde.

_If he let's go, I swear to God I'll!_

He decided it best to leave me in one piece, seeing as he glared at the blonde bird and told him to behave. He should've been a dog, not a bird, and then I'd have more of a reason to call him a bitch. Lion-o let go of blonde's wings and turned to me.

"Ya know, as fun as it is to make up funny names for you guys, I'm pretty sure you would rather have me call you by birth names, well unless you'd like me to call you Lion-o and Big Bird." I said, pointing at the two as I said names I thought suited them, then smiled as I received a pair of glares. Oh life is so much fun, isn't it?

"Pein." Stated the lion man. I flinched, who the hell names their kid Pein? I mean really? Being named after a flower, not so good either, but better than that. He musta been one hell of a pain in the ass, what, with his teething and all that.

"Diedara, yeah." Inserted the boy wonder, oh so man nicknames I could give him.

I nodded, and made to walk off, hands in my pockets, hoping they would let me go off on my merry way.

Then again, when have I ever been so lucky? To put it simply, never. Never, ever, never, ever, ever, never. Geez that's a mouthful.

But I grinned to myself as I peeked over my shoulder to see them just standing there, watching me go, fist pump!

I turned my head back around gleefully thinking luck finally was on my side.

Surprise! Nope, luck just fucked me over again. How so?

I ran into the chest of a huge mountainous blue skinned man that made me have to look up (and up and up and up and up and up) just to see his sharp toothed shark like grin. Holy shit shark! Since when has Jaws grown legs? Did some radio active chemical leak into his water? Like chemical X! But then their would be happy butterflies, damn.

My course of action is reasonable enough. Moment of silent between me and fish stick. Processing that I might get eaten, I screamed in his face, turned tail and ran to hid behind Lion-o. Hoping that the lion would eat the shark. Cats like fish, so big cats should like big fish right?

"I CHOOSE YOU, PEIN!" I screamed all Pokémon style, yeah I'm cool like that, even with the Zapdos wannabe laughing at me. Pfft, bitch please, I even pulled a, Ash Ketcham pose.

Pein sighed and turned to me, "Woman, that would be Kisame. Part of my organization." said man made his way towards us. Damn, guess I won't be cathing any Sharpedo anytime soon.

"How ya doin, Pinky?" Kisame said, giant fried fish man from the black lagoon spoke.

I snapped and next thing you know, I lunged at fish face. Yeah, interesting organization and all but call me pinky, and your goose is as good as cooked. Anyone for a fish fry?


	5. Leashes of Chaos

I huffed angrily, arms crossed. To hell with them fuckers behind me. Normally I'd happily take the back position and skip gleefully in the opposite direction of the magic room with killer scissors. But, no, I'm in fornt of them all, with a pink leash attached to a pink collar tied tightly around my neck. A suffocatingly tight collar mind you. Mother fucking animals.

I glared over my shoulder at Pein who held the leash, then at the laughing blonde, then the bruised shark. I smirked happily. That'll teach him to call me Pinky! I would have gutted him too if the reinforcements didn't come in to aid him.

I turned to face forward again then thought how awkward this is, I mean, I'm human and in a collar, they're part animal, and they're holding the collar. I fell on the ground laughing, oblivious when they kept walking. I kept laughing, until a harsh pull made me choke. I inclined my head to look at them to see they were literally dragging me with them. Way to wait.

I twisted trying to get up, but they wouldn't have it. Not in the least.

"Hey Pein? Can I run ahead?" shark man asked, probably wanting to get away from me.

"As long as you make sure the flower gets her exorcise too." Pein replied, holding out the leash to him. Oh that fucker.

I gulped as fishy grinned and grabbed it.

"Don't you dare." I growled out threateningly, hurriedly trying to stand.

"I dare." Kisame replied, running off, dragging a reluctant me trying to keep my balance.

Let's say when we got to whatever the hell it was, I looked like a hot mess. I groaned as I was finally allowed to stand up without fear of falling. I could feel the huge clumps in my hair, and saw the huge tears in my clothing, not to mention all the cuts and scrapes I had. Fucking crayon colored rocks and freaky fish.

"Is that anyway to treat company?" I hissed venomously at the fish.

"No, but a girl who has violent tendencies, yeah." He grinned widely.

I glared and turned my back to him glumly. Promising him a long torturous death when I got my hands on him next.

"Kisame. Who's that?" asked a new voice.

"Pink-girl, I don't know. She won't tell us." Kisame replied.

"Hn." Why does that sound so familiar?

I glance over my shoulder and see a guy, with long black hair tied back with onyx eyes. But let me tell you, the most surprising of all, was the fact that he looked like a weasel. I couldn't help it, I fell to the floor laughing my ass off. The looks I was getting, probably priceless. Did I look up? Not a chance, I'd probably die with more laughter.

"Hey, what'd I miss, yeah?" oh the bitchin blonde be back, god, enough 'B's there? Hmm, probably not, but it'll have to do.

"Pinky met Weasel." Kisame smirked, well from what I think he did, I mean, he's always smirking, and this shouldn't make any difference. I would have killed him for the nickname, if I wasn't too busy trying to breath around my fit of laughs.

"And so she's dying on the floor, what a cruel way to go, yeah." I could hear he wanted to laugh to.

"Gu- Guys! I-I-I caaa- can't br-bre-breath!" I said in between laughs, at this point I was crying.

"Allow me." came the low smooth voice of a weasel. I laughed even harder if that's even possible. But quickly stopped as a foot collided with my stomach. My laughs morphed into grunts and groans as I rolled onto my side, clutching my stomach in pain, glaring at the man who caused such feeling in my poor stomach. And I promise if there was any food to upchuck, it'd be chucked. But 'Person' didn't take kindly to making sure I was well fed, oh heavens no, child abuser . . . .

"Get up, I would say it's about time to show you around instead of kicking you around like a puppy." I seriously could care less about whoever spoke this time around. They were all going to be in body bags anyway.

I grumbled as I sat up and glared at Weasel, and would have pounced him if it weren't for Pein stepping on the leash. Once again, curse my luck.

"Itachi, where is everyone else?" Pein asked from behind a sulking me.

"Inside, in the 'Family Room'." Itachi said smoothly.

"Good, everyone go." Pein said, many grumbles were heard as they marched to said room. See, they got to walk, I got dragged, again.

* * *

><p><strong>This has to be the shortest chapter by far, I'm sorry, even as I edited it I couldn't find much to add to it. I know all the chapters are short, and it makes me feel bad since all these other fics out there at least have 2,000 words minimum for chapter. I'll try to make chapters longer after I finish editing. No guarantees though.<strong>


	6. Shit Cage

I finally got out of their grasp, and how you ask? Let's just say hitting below the belt hurts, and opposable thumbs.

**You just remembered we have opposable thumbs?**

_Shut it Inner. You didn't help any so I don't wanna hear it!_

I screamed in my head, almost running into a wall. Yup, I'm running.

**From a lot of hot guys! Get your ass back there girl! Maybe we can get laid, a lot!**

_INNER!_

She just laughed manically. I sighed to myself as I rounded a corner. With a sprint I ran down and opened a door, the only door, and ran in. It's about this point that I run into a wall, with arms. A very hard wall, and I repeat with arms.

**Walls don't have arms.**

_Since when? I know plenty of walls that have arms._

**Oh really? Name one.**

_That's not the point right now. In case you haven't noticed we ran into a wall with arms! I mean, what type of walls have arms?_

**You're hopeless**

That's all she said as she walked off to get some aspirin. If anyone needs the asprin, it's me. Plus, where do you get asprin inside someone's head? You know what, I don't even wanna know.

I was cut out of my trance as the walls arms gripped my ass. I let out a high pitched 'eep' as I was hauled by my ass up to meet the walls pink tinted purple eyes, and cocky ass grin. Then, suddenly it clicked. Boy, can't wait to tell Inner about this!

_Inner! This isn't a wall! It's an old man wannabe!_

She didn't answer, so I was left to fume at oldie. . . and Inner, it shouldn't take that long to get some asprin. Unless she overdosed. But why would she do that? She has me to talk to! A little bundle of rainbows and sunshines.

"Get yo dirty hands off me bitch!" I yelled, only to watch his eyes light up in amusement. He turned his head slightly to look over my shoulder. What's so interesting about over my shoulder? I thought my face was so much more interesting.

"I like this bitch! Can I fucking keep her?" I asked happily at who I assume would be Pein. Oh, so Pein's face is so much more interesting? The nerve of this mother fucker!

I spaced out as I saw something move behind him. I leaned to look over his shoulder the best I could and saw, what I think would have to be, a tail. A shiny, fluffy, silver tail. Might I say, it was wagging pretty damn fast. Oh my god, you know what this means? Well do you?

I grabbed his shoulder and pulled back a bit to look him in the eyes before squealing. "PUPPY!" and hugged him around the neck. I'm not weird, oh heavens no. Let's just say I always wanted a puppy and now my dreams may be coming true.

"Bitch please! I'm a fucking wolf!" I growled slightly. I instantly pulled back and punched him in the face. He let me go, and I'm proud to say I landed on my feet, and ran to hide behind Pein.

I stuck out my pointer finger, pointed at the big bad wolf, inhaled and was about to use that same Pokémon phrase I did earlier, but a square of duct tape said otherwise as it was smacked over my mouth.

"We are not doing that again woman." Pein threatened lowly, duct tape raised menacingly. I dropped my raised arm to my side and pouted behind the duct tape, life's not fair, at all.

"Ha-ha! Pinky just got fucking told!" the wolf howled in laughter.

Hell broke loose again, it wasn't very pretty. The wolf may never have been able to reproduce again if Kisame didn't pull a cage out of his ass. Actually, where the hell did that cage come from? Where I ask. WHERE!

**His ass?**

_No, I don't think so, it'd smell pretty shitty if it did._

**HOLY SHIT WE BE SITTIN IN SHIT!**

"HOLY HELL NO, LEMME OUTTA THE SHIT CAGE RIGHT NOW!" I screamed while trying not to touch it and kicking at the cage door, and for some reason, I got a lot of face palms.

**Ahem, thumbs.**

_Oh, right! Totally forgot, thanks Inner!_

**Whatever makes us look smart Saku.**

I reached out and unlocked it, doing me a little victory dance once out.

Just as I was about to end my victory in an arms up, hell yes, in your face pose, the lights went out and I could just feel the wind of loneliness make me shiver to the bone. How fucking nice. The bitches left me, well fuck them! I can escape using this time!

I marched over to where I thought the door was, and bumped into a wall. I took a step back, and as luck has it, got hit in the head and passed out. Fuck. My. Life.

And as an after thought, the dumb fuck who put a row of coconuts on a shelf.


	7. Leaking Imagination, and Killer Sinks

Ugh, damn. That was one hell of a nightmare. Like, it felt so weird! But of course, there is no such thing as drop dead sexy ass men with animal features. Haha, man I had good imagination, good enought to make me forget about my rainbow llama ranch!

_Oh, Inner. We have such a good imagination! I didn't think we had it in us!_

**Uh, Saku . . . **

_But really, so weird!_

I sat up and noticed I was on the floor. Dammit, I must've had one hell of a party to get drunk enough to fall asleep on the floor. I stood and stretched, still tired. I shuffled my feet tiredly, randomly twisting and turning. I sluggishly hit a door and half assed opening it, wishing that the Force would do all the work, cause yeah, I got mad Jedi skills yo. To my utter displeasure, I figured out that I was no longer a Jedi, or rather the reborn Sith Lord. I cursed as I had to actually attempt opening the door. I grabbed the knob and opened the door slowly to add some drama.

I walked into the room, happy at the sight of a bed, did we move before I got drunk? The layout seems different. I quickly shrug off that fact and crawled to the bed, flopping down. I turned onto my side to see a body sized lump .Sweet, gots me a body pillow bitches, I be pimpin'.

I quickly grabbed it in a hug and threw a leg over it and hooked it. Weird feels like a body. Maybe my imagination is greater than I thought it was. I ignored it and snuggled the hard pillow, like someone filled it up with rocks.

"Well, hello there fair lady, what prey tell is your name?" I snapped my eyes open and was met with red eyes. I screamed, and sprinted out of the bed and out the door. Well creepy rooms with talking body pillows are now on my list of things to destroy once I take over the world. I'll put it right under 'Barney'. That purple pedophile dinosaur has it coming.

I blindly ran and hit a wall. That had arms.

**Saku, sweetheart, walls don't have arms.**

_Since when? I know plenty of walls that have arms!_

**Hold up, I'm getting a huge sense of déjà vu over here.**

_That's not the point right now. In case you haven't noticed we ran into a wall with arms! I mean, what type of walls have arms?_

**How much you wanna bet you ran into an 'Old Man Wannabe'?**

_First kiss pick._

**Deal, look up, and watch your ass.**

_Why do I need to watch my-_

I was interrupted as a pair of hands grabbed my ass and hauled me up. Hands attached to arms, attached to a wall. Alright, added wall with arms right under talking body pillows. Damn our world is fucked up.

"You just can't get enough of me can ya bitch?" asked a guy with puppy ears that looked like an old man. I hope Inner burns in hell.

"HOLY MOTHER FUCK! MY HEAD LEAKED IMAGINATION JUICE AND YOU CAME TO LIFE! If only it worked with that puppy 6 years ago . . ." I shrieked, Inner laughed evilly, that little bitch.

"Shit bitch. Don't fucking yell in my god damned ear!" screamed evil pedo wannabe as he squeezed, you know where his hands are so I ain't sayin it! . . . I'm mature, I promise . . .

I fumed and socked him in the jaw. I stood triumphantly over him as footsteps were heard.

"What happened, yeah?" asked bird boy.

"My brain is leaking imaginative juice is what's happening." I stated as I rubbed my temples, pushing down the oncoming headache.

Everything was quiet, but all things good come to an end.

"Is she paying a rent? Cause I am not paying to feed another mouth." I turned to glare at the source of the voice, glare turned soft as I suppressed the urge to sing, hell I did it anyway.

"Badger, badger, badger, badger, mushroom, mushroom!" I sang happily. Yup, you guessed it, the man talking, is a badger! Wait, he wasn't in my dream . . . DEAR LORD! MY BRAIN HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN!

**Is that even possible?**

_Are you even possible?_

**Touche.**

I looked up from my conversation to be met with curious glares. I shrugged and walked off, intending to find a bedroom without a talking body pillow with red eyes.

**Pillows don't have eyes.**

_Really Inner? We are doing this again! I don't think so, I am not betting you the pick as of to who has my virginity, hell no, that's mine._

I grumbled as I stomped off, to where? I told you bedroom, but now I think the kitchen would be a nice place to be at the moment. Maybe I can get that house wife bird to make me a sandwhich. Yeah, definetly, all though, eggs sound good too. And chicken, or bird. I never had bird before, but I am most willing to try it.

**Do they even have meat here? What if Deidara eats birds, would that be counted as cannibalism? **

_I'm as clueless as you, it wouldn't apply to Pein or Kisame though. I mean, they are carnivores._

Inner shrugged and sat back. I walked down the hall and to the kitchen. There was one other person in the room. Yeah, it's the blue mountain, Kisame.

"Hey, pink girl, can you turn on the garbage disposal? I think the drain is gunked up." Kisame asked between bites of his sandwich.

I was about to come up with some snappy retort, when I decided it wasn't worth the energy. I stalked over to the sink and saw the drain was big enough to fit a fist in it. Yikes.

I leaned over and turned the garbage disposal on, accidentally knocking a plant into the drain in the process.

"Hey, that plant wasn't important was it?" I asked, pointing to where the plant was placed above the sink. I watched as Kisame's face grew to one of pure shock. I gave him a questoning look as he jumped up and ran towards the sink, pushing me aside in the process.

The response would be heard from miles away.

"ZETSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" he cried.

Yup, it was important, also, just as an after thought, I was so screwed.

". . . You gunna finish that sandwich?"

* * *

><p><strong>Ha, finished editing! Now I can focus on new chapters! And incase it doesn't notify you of these edited chapters, I will put an AN at the beginning of chapter 8. Also, I'd like to thank people for adding the story to their watch lists, otherwise I would have totally forgot all about this story. And I honestly I thought I only left you guys with 2 chapters, so I was surprised to see I actually had 7 up. Be lucky . And see, I didn't lie, Zetsu was in one of these chapters! **


	8. Narwhals and Setting Fire to the Rain

**PLEASE READ! Alright, now that I have half of the populations attention, for those who decided not to go back and re-read the chapters. I went back and edited them all. So they're a little longer and with (hopefully) less mistakes. I'm no longer able to tell how many words are in each chapter as I have to write them up on WordPad. My MicroWord hates me so I got rid of it. Also, I guess you don't have to re-read them all, but it may be to your benefit, or at least read the last chapter near the end cause I put in a little Zetsu. Alright, thank you all for sticking with me!**

* * *

><p>What was I doing? Do you even have to ask? Well, okay, I did leave you at a rather confusing situation. Alright, I'll explain.<p>

After I asked Kisame if he was going to finish his sandwich, he turned his enraged gaze to me. He lunged, I ducked and ran to his seat and grabbed his sandwich and dashed out the door. Angry footsteps were heard behind me as I slipped between the unfortunates in the hall, still in a daze from Kisame's earlier yell. So to sum it up in less words: I was running from a shark on a rampage while eating a sandwich. Kinda like a game of tag.

I finished the sandwich and glanced behind me, Kisame no where in sight. I was about to celebrate when I ran into a wall.

_Any arms?_

**Nope, damn, I'm seriously starting to love the mutt man. You know, with the way he caresses our ass, mmm, I wonder how good he is in-**

_DON'T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE!_

**Cross country?**

_Oh, for a second I thought you were gunna say-_

**INCOMING!**

I whipped my head around and squished myself to the wall to my right just in time. Kisame crashed into the wall and I dashed around and jumped onto his back.

"Get off twerp!" Kisame grunted angrily, swatting at me.

"Now I'm a twerp? Jeez, your such a good friend you blue ass wipe." I muttered angrily, pulling at his hair and dodging his arms.

He responded with a scoff and something that sounded a lot like 'murderer'. Jeez, why did they care so much for a single plant? I mean, it couldn't be that important, right? It looked like a weed more than anything.

"If this is still about that weed, I'll dig you up a new one! So calm down!" I growled.

He didn't respond as he charged a door. An attempt to get me off I assume.

**Don't assume things, because then you'll be making an ass out of you and me, and I assure you, I am no ass.**

I rolled my eyes and ducked as he broke the door off it's hinges and sprinted to a tree head first.

"Alright fish boy, I'm off." I yelp as I use his back as a spring board, giving him more momentum to rush into the tree, hitting his head hard. "Ouch, that gotta hurt." I flinch from the sight of his head making contact with a tree. I stood and watched as he rubbed his head and turned to me.

He opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off as a giant crater was made out of the blue and a narwhal of all things jumped out from it. This thing was huge easily rivaling that of a house. Wide eyed, I give Kisame an apologetic look as I make a break for the house, just as it starts raining too.

Deciding it best to hide from the blue man, who seems to hate me more and more, I run up some stairs that randomly appeared and burst out the only door at the tip top.

Inside the door, was the roof. Great, I'm gunna get soaked. After I got over my small pity party, it was only then I noticed the other presence on the roof. I looked up to find Pein looking rather seriously over the roof. It was a blank stare, then, just as I started admiring how cool he looked, was when he broke out into song.

"And I set FIRE! To the RAIN!" he turned to meet my gaze and was next to me in a second with a open lighter in one hand, "Watched it pour as I," he reached out and with the back of his hand touched my face, running his hand down to my chin, still staring aimlessly and waved his lighter around, "touched your face." he finished softly.

There was a moment of silence between us before I spoke.

"I hate that song." I stated simply and watched as he froze in disbelief. I snapped my fingers in front of his face a few times. He remained motionless.

**Dammit you broke him!**

_I didn't mean too!_

I pushed him lightly and jumped back as he tipped over and fell on his side. I gulped and ran inside, deciding that our little 'moment' never happend.

_God this place is weird._

I reached the bottom of the stairs and was greeted with a red-headed man with a giant scorpion tail.

"HOLY FUCK!" I shrieked, jumping back and tripping on the stairs.

**Fuck indeed, mmm.**

"So, your the one everyone is talking about. I must admit, I thought you would look different. More mischievous, not a little freakish." came the voice of scorpio.

"Hi to you too, uhh . . . damn I can't think of any nicknames." I grumbled.

"Good, my name is Sasori little girl." was all he said as he stepped past me and walked up the stairs.

"Sasori! If you seem Pein, I'm just gunna say this now, but I totally didn't do it!" was all I said to him before I raced down the hall trying to find a safe haven.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear readers who have yet to read this. Please don't get on fanfiction on June 23rd, why? Fanfic decided to be a bitch and has been deleting some fanfics on here. It isn't right. There is a petition for this, the link is on the author DarkHeartInTheSky's profile, it's bolded and easy to spot. Please sign it or don't get on on the date given. Thank you! I'll try to get a longer chapter up in thanks. :)<strong>


	9. Chased, to Hiding, to Chased

I found a hiding spot, and just in time too. I heard a rush of heavy footsteps, signalling that Kisame didn't get eaten by narwhals in my absence. Not sure if I should be relieved or horrified and frightened.

**You should be out there raping that fine piece of ass!**

_Damnit Inner! Why do you want me to rape someone so bad!_

**Since I'm pretty sure we can get away with it here, specially with wolf-kun. He already wants a piece of our scrumptious ass!**

I tuned her out. I promise you, I am anything but a rapist. Scouts honor!

**Pfft, like we're a scout?**

_SHUT IT INNER!_

Anyway, I glanced around the room I currently occupied. It was a bedroom. Closet here, wardrobe there, bed set here. Blah blah blah. But what really stuck out, which horrified me to a great expanse, was that it was filled to the brim with stuffed, freaking, animals. No, I'm not scared of stuffed animals. What I am scared of, is the fact this person (if you can even call them that) had more than ME! WHAT THE HELL MAN! HOW COME I NEVER GOT A FREAKING GREEN UNICORN BIG ENOUGH TO SIT ON! I glomped that unicorn, fuck man it was soft. I would totally carry this unicorns babies.

**Ahem! FOCUS!**

_On what?_

**How about the red predatorial eye staring at you from the stack on plushies in the corner?**

_OHMIGAWD DO YOU THINK IT'S A PUPPY!_

**I would say more on the side of vicious wild cat of sorts . . . **

_Why would y- ACK!_

I was tackled off the unicorn and to the floor by a large figure. A long furry tail swayed back and forth in excitement, and pointed ears upon its head twitched in anticipation. I shivered from fear. Its mouth opened slowly, revealing a row of sharp teeth. The tongue seeped out and ran up the plain of my cheek, tickling and scratching like sandpaper. It tasted me!

**Whoa, Saku, chill I don't think-**

It's gunna eat me! The only logical idea I could come up with was quickly put into play. I screamed. I stopped a second for breath and screamed again. The figure upon me looked around frantically and grabbed something from a pile off to the side. I screamed, it brought a small German Shepard plush forward and into my arms.

I stopped immediately and looked at the toy. I smiled. First gift anyone has given me since my father's death. I looked up and about thanked the figure when the door burst open, filling the dark room with light.

The figure, a man, had spiky black hair and an orange and black swirl mask. He had black cat ears upon his head, the left all black, and the right was half black and half orange. As he turned to look at the door, his black cat tail came into view, no longer swaying with excitement, but instead drooping in fear.

"What's going on, yeah?" Deidara asked from the door, with a rather bored looking Hidan peering over his shoulder.

"No one's aloud to kill Picky but me!" I heard a deep voice behind the two, and saw Kisame's head towering above them both. I sent him a glare, daring him to repeat that nickname. He shrunk back at that.

"Tobi didn't do anything!" said the frantic man who was still straddling me, "Tobi is a good boy!" he turned and looked down at me, ears pulled back pathetically, "Tobi wanted to say 'hi' to Cherry-Chan, but Cherry-Chan screamed instead, Tobi is sorry!" the man, Tobi, cried frantically.

"Tobi! You don't go and attack people in a dark room, yeah!" Deidara lectured.

"Yeah! That's my mother fucking job, you little cat shit!" Hidan cursed angrily.

Deidara turned and sent him a look, "She'd kick your ass before you could try anything, un."

"I wouldn't suggest it." grumbled Kisame.

I ushered Tobi off so I could stand, my little Shepard held securely to my chest (I think I heard Hidan grumble something about 'lucky ass dog' or something.). "Ne, Kisame, I'm sorry about the plant, it was an accident. I admit, the sandwich wasn't, I was hungry and you just left it there." I spoke hoping he'd forgive me. His face softened and I assume that was a sign that he accepted my apology? Who knows. Damn fish.

"Wait, what plant, un?" asked the human barbie doll.

"Uhh, I'd rather not be chased out to the narwhal infested yard again." I spoke up lowly. Kisame grunted his agreement. Which left the other three men in confusion. Well screw them.

"Hey, I gotta ask, but is it perfectly normal for Pein to burst into song?" I questioned. The room fell into an eerie silence.

"Never talk of that again." Kisame warned.

"But-"

"Never." Kisame grunted and turned to leave, followed by the other two. Which left me and Tobi in the room. In the very silent room. I stared at the door. And Tobi? Well, he decided to glomp the shit out of me. Which then led to a game of cat and mouse. Who was the mouse? The pink haired girl running from the innocently dangerous cat bounding on all fours behind her, intent on capturing so he could chew some hair, literally. He likes chewing on my hair.

Me running, and him chasing. This game is going to go on forever. Lemme get back to you when I finally escape.

* * *

><p><strong>YEAH! Yea, my chapters are short. Oh well, at least I picked it back up. ANYWAY R&amp;R?<strong>


	10. Cat and Mouse to Cat and Mouse

**Alright, I am sorry, again. Umm,I have no excuses for not updating so I am soooooo sorry. I think someone needs to make it there job to remind me to update and top reading other fanfics. Also sorry for any duplicate letters I am using a keyoard for the iPad and it sucks ass. Anyway enjoy!**

* * *

><p>I am regretful to tell you that our little game of 'Cat and Mouse' took longer than I anticipated. I am also regretful to tell you my arm fell off in one of my daring escapes to leave the room.<p>

.. . .

Please tell me you didn't believe that. If you did, leave. Right now. don't give me that look, yeah you. Stop, no. ALRIGHT! You can stay. Stupid whiney bitch.

My arm is fully attached, can't say the same for the wall though. It currently has a very nice neko boy shaped hole in it. I smiled triumphantly at my work. Looks like the mouse finally beats the cat. Fuck yeah bitches! And I would have done a victory dance if not for the high pitched girly scream that erupted from down the hall.

_A FELLOW WOMAN IS IN TROUBLE! This looks like a job for . . ._

**SUPER VIRGIN!**

_No Inner, it's Doctor Miss Manly. DMM for short, duh._

**I liked mine better.**

I quickly jumped through the wall, creating an even bigger hole in the wall than before. A scream pierced through the air again! I have to hurry and rescue the girl! I turned to heroically dash down the rubble clad halls, until I hit a wall.

Did you guess? If you don't get this right, I will clobber you. Come on, you have to get this! Alright, enough procrastinating.

It has arms. Mocha skinned arms. At least it isn't that albino wolf. I stepped back and gazed at badger man. His face was one of pure horror. His gaze seemed to pierce right through me and at the floor, resting on a nice sized group of debris. After he got an eye full of that he slowly turned and gazed at the gaping hole in the wall, creating a window to stuffed animal wonderland.

I glared at him, "Hey, your blocking my way, I'm off to save some chick that I heard screaming in horror. She sounded close . . . real close. You didn't eat her did you?"

He finally turned his gaze to rest on me. He seemed so dumbfounded in the small hall. He didn't appear to be moving anytime soon. I sighed and punched another hole in the wall, which I planned to use to get around him. But then, right in my ear, another scream pierced.

I turned to stare wide eyed at the Kakuzu (I just now noticed the very convenient name tag clipped to the front of his shirt). No way. No fucking way. He screams like a girl! I couldn't help myself as I fell to the ground and erupted into laughs. Full out, unrestrained, wild laughter. What has this world come to? Well, actually, the better question is what else does this world have in store for me?

The best part about this guy is, he' just standing there, staring at the destroyed wall in front of him. Not bothering to look at me with the undying hatred that he undoubtedly had for me. He hasn't even kicked me in the stomach yet (unlike a certain weasel).

I finally had the strength to stand wobbly as giggles proceeded to erupt from my mouth. I finally felt a little more stabilized when I was suddenly tackled to the ground. No, not by Kakuzu, he was to busy gaping like a fish. I turned and saw the lollipop cat, swishing his tail happily from his perch on my back. I erupted into full out laughs again.

Until Kakuzu turned his hate filled gaze upon me and my fluffy companion. I gulped as I pushed myself of the ground, cat and all and took off down the hall. Of course, with an enraged Badger behind me.

As we ran, we passed another odd thing that made me erupt into a laughing spell.

We passed Pein singing 'Good Life'. Well not really 'passed' as much as 'stampeded' over him.

Other unfortunate events passed in our chase. Such as me throwing Tobi at Tweety boy. Or knocking over Kisame's aquarium. Oh! Or stepping on Itachi's shampoo as he stepped out of the restroom in a fluffy pink towel!

Anyway, soon enough I had everyone chasing me. Funny. It seems I end up in these situations a lot. Don't worry. I promise to get back to you with all body parts in tact. On my end anyway. Can't say the same about everyone else.


	11. Info for the Brain

Well, sorry to inform you guys of this, but a week has passed since I updated my status on facebook. It's tragic I know, but some things are to be sacrificed for the greater goo-

**SAKURA! GREAT NEWS!**

_Sup Inner?_

**I just updated our status!**

_To what?_

**Ehem, it now says, and I quote, 'LMS BITCHES! Totes gunna get laid by some foxy dudes! lol ;)'**

But we aren't!

**. . . Well shit, gunna update it to 'Super Virgin will always be a cock block D:'**

_Haha, funny Inner._

I tuned out her facebook rant and stared at the ceiling. A week literally passed since you last heard from me. In that time I rode gorgeous flying rainbow monkeys to never land. By the way, that's a lie. I actually got acquainted with the group of males that roam the halls. I also finally got a room and food.

Anyway, in all seriousness for once, I shall explain my findings here. Recorded for your eyes only. The first finding was the easiest as I learned-

**That they all have HUGE dicks!**

_INNER OH GOD! This is supposed to be serious!_

Let me lock her up real quick . . . done, thanks for waiting.

Anyway, the easiest thing to learn was that I am the only girl in this 'base'. The group here calls themselves the 'Akatsuki' which explains the red clouds upon my entrance here. All together there are 10 members . . . umm 9. (Please don't make me explain this, I already went over the fact that I am no longer allowed anywhere near the sink or plants.) This also does not include our little 'Dumpling', which I haven't seen for awhile now.

The leader of the group would be Pein, the singing lion. He seems pretty serious most the time is what I would say if it weren't for the fact that whenever I run across him he seems to be singing a new song, even adding his own choreography. He has a 'God' issue and believes he can bend someone to his will.

**Or his bed!**

_GET BACK IN YOUR SHIT CAGE!_

**. . . Ew.**

Anyway, next off the list to check off would be Diedara. The blonde artist that always manages to come whining to me about having clay stuck in his hair. His beautiful, shiny hair that he won't tell me how he takes such good care off!

**Whoa, chill Sakura**

_One day, I will hold the secret to his silky hair._

And to get payback for withholding that valuable information from me, I will continue my report on him. He is mistaken as a girl often, everyday. No joke. Someone always forgets. Many attempts have been made to get in his pants by someone who's name will be kept anonymous.

**coughHidancough.**

_Inner, do you need a cough drop?_

**Nope, I'm okay, continue Saku.**

Kisame is of course, the mountainous shark demon dragged from the very pits of hell for one reason alone. To call me names.

**This is very professional Sakura.**

_Thank you Inner!_

He's quick to temper and will fight without hesitation. But of course that's when I make sure he remembers his place.

**Kicking him in the balls counts as putting him inn his place?**

_Duh?_

Other than that, he's pretty much like the caring older brother I never had.

**Aww, that's the sweetest thing you ever said.**

The older shark brother that will eat someone after he pulls a cage out of his ass that smells like shit with a slight odor of bean burrito.

**I take that back, your nasty.**

Moving on, I would love to rant on about Itachi, but in all honesty, I haven't seen much of him since my arrival. But on the occasion when I do see him, he's curled up reading a book with a solemn look on his face. He looks so peaceful when he reads, so I decided to let him have his space. Other than that, I sometimes see him in the kitchen in a pink frilly apron. Making food. But that's really all I could dig up on him.

Then we have the wall with arm-

**The perverted wolf, Hidan.**

_Oh, right. Thanks Inner._

I try avoiding him as much as possible. But I always end up running into him eventually. Every corner, every hall, every closet. Hell, I spotted him in my shower once! But other than his pervertedness he has a foul mouth. He also takes pleasure in the pain that is dealt to him. Fucking. Creepy.

**I still say we tap that willing piece of ass.**

Kakuzu- the money grubbing badger . . . that eats mushrooms. No, he actually isn't found of mushrooms in any way shape or form. He is found of money though. He hates spending it. That's why he squealed like a pussy when I put a few new holes in the wall. But after that we're cool.

**And in debt. **

_Hush, don't tell them that._

Other than that he's pretty much still a mystery to me.

I only ever met Sasori once. But from what I hear, he likes poison and dolls.

**Puppets Sakura, Puppets.**

_Dolls puppets same thing._

**No they aren't dolls are sluts and puppets are loyal.**

_Whatever._

He holes up in his room working on his art. His eternal puppets. Or whatever the fuck it is he mutters on about in his room or argues with Diedara about. But when he does come out it's normally just for food. And I don't eat with the guys so I never see him.

Tobi. I fucking love Tobi. We run around and play and screw people over and play pretty parlor. Oh god man, he is my best friend. He is a 'god boy' and is extremely affectionate. He doesn't act his age at all, he is a total child at heart. Wouldn't have it any other way either! I just wish he would take off his mask on occasion.

**He must have his reasons Sak.**

_I know._

R.I.P. Zetsu. I'm sorry man, I didn't know.

Alright, I'm gunna talk about the last guy now. His name is Madara. I apparently met him once, but can't recall being in his presence at all. I don't know much about him since everyone refuses to talk about him. Well, either refusing to or to scared to. I have a feeling in my gut that I'll be adding more about him in the research later. One can only hope.

The base itself is never ending. Small appearance on the outside is meant to be deceiving, which it is. Gosh damn it's good at it's job. Only a small portion near the door is used for housing, in fear of the members being lost in the labyrinth of halls. Whatever is in the back rooms is remaining a secret. Well, until someone goes back there and I follow.

The world itself has no name, so I named it after what was my safe haven back in reality. 'Super happy rainbow llama ranch where you can get high off your ass'. SHRLRYCGHOYA for short.

And if you believed I named it that you are high riding a rainbow llama. No. I named it Amegakure. I don't know why. Just seemed fitting in a way.

**I would have named it 'Warning Hot Asses Live Everywhere' or WHALE.**

_That's beautiful._

**I know.**

This is all the information I was able to gather upon my whereabouts and captors. For now at least.

* * *

><p><strong>I typed this up quickly because I got ONE review. See the power of just one review? It makes me motivated! Makes me brain juices be flowin. True, it's pretty much all information you already know but I feel it is necessary just to help me keep my facts straight and to show you how OOC the characters are going to be. And yes, I noticed Sakura was a little more serious than usual, but you have to understand that she's doing it to make sure you understand that no matter how fun she makes her situation seem, she is still aware of any dangers she could be in. i know I didn't put much down on our little 'Dumpling' but that's because I really don't know what I'm doing with him yet. As an afterthought, I did not mean for that to spell 'WHALE' it was a complete coincidence. Anyway, reviewing = motivation = chapters. Also, I think my keyboard wants me to type like Eridan because of all the double 'w's and 'v's.<strong>


	12. Water Issues

**You know what? I go back and re-read my old chapters and then see all the mistakes I made. ALL of them. Gosh it makes me feel bad. Anyway, story, here we go.**

* * *

><p>I gently closed the book containing all the information and inner rants then proceeded to slide it into a drawer in my desk. I sighed in content. That took a load of my chest, like a serious load.<p>

I swiveled around in my swirly chair and gazed at my room. Nothing fancy, just monochromic colors. Furniture including a bed, couch, closet, desk, and chair. Like I said, nothing fancy. I stood and stretched, I can't even remember how long I sat there. Not like anyone cares really, I'm mostly left alone. Just me in a room with a fox laying on the bed . . .

**DUMPLING!**

I did a double take at the fluffy fox, making itself at home. I stared, then tackled it. I threw it in a head lock then rolled my weight atop it.

**Way to go Saku!**

"What do you want Dumpling?" I practically seethed. I was enraged at this fox, true, he saved me, but it's also true that he trapped me and abandoned me. This fox wasn't going anywhere till I got some answers.

"My name isn't Dumpling." the fox spoke in a calm and hushed tone.

"That didn't exactly answer my question. What do you want." I repeated.

"Just to check on you. Is that a crime?" the fuzzy-ness responded. I sighed and let go. At least he checked up on me.

"Why did you bring me here?" I glared at him.

"You followed me, I never brought you anywhere, merely just found you housing for your stay here." he shook his fur out lightly as he spoke.

"How do I get back?" I questioned.

He stared, "What is there to get back to in your case?" at his words I fell silence and stared at my lap. Inner was doing her best to console me.

His sigh brought me back to reality to hear him sigh, "If you must know, it really just depends on you." I looked up to question him, only to see that he vanished.

"Well god DAMMIT!" I practically screeched. I got off the floor and headed down the hall, not really caring at this point where I headed. I just wanted out of that room.

I turned into a random room only to see Deidara whipping around his silky blonde hair. I stared, and stared, and then his hair caught on fire. Who knew looks could kill? We did.

The flamethrower we found next to the door helped too. It really did. Not to mention someone drew a duck on it. Such a cute and fluffy duck. With its small orange webbed feet, and curved beak that almost looks like it's smiling. And the fluff on the creature is so detailed. A beautiful sun shiny yellow that is so breath taking it's almost as if-

"What the hell happened?" I turned to see Sasori. I just stared at him. He slowly turned his gaze from Deidara to me. We stared at each other and started to lean closer, our faces that of business men. And just when it was obvious what we were each thinking-

-we leaned heavily against each other as we cracked up over the blonde bird practically rammed his head into a toilet. He turned to glare at us, his hair singed and covered in ashes near the tips, now clung to his head and shoulders, glistening with the hurried attempt of extinguishing the fruits of my labour.

Our fit of laughter died down, only to start again at his new look.

He turned his murderous look to me as he stomped forward. My giggle fit continued as I ran down the hall, echoes of my cackles reaching my ears. I could hear Deidaras profound language as I ran.

Dumpling may be right, what do I have to go back to, especially compared to what I have here with these- no, my boys.

I stumbled as I payed more attention to my thoughts then my footing. I would have fell if Deidara hadn't wrapped an arm around my waist and hoisted me over his shoulder and carried me down the hall. I erupted into more giggles at the situation.

Deidara kicked open a door and I was hit with a rather distinct smell. My giggles stopped abruptly as I clawed at his back. I could just feel his smirk radiating victoriously. I turned and stared at my doom, the chlorinated pool of Kisames domain. This punishment would have been worse IF Kisame was home, but he left awhile back to check near by facilities.

"Please don't throw me in please?" I pleaded, wrapping my arms around whatever I could reach in a hugging gesture. He just smiled evilly as he flung me in the pool. My heated glare, chilling the instant I hit the chilled water. But Deidara still felt my death promise seeing as he ran out the room quickly, but laughing still at the situation.

I sighed as I hefted myself out and sloshed down the hall in my soaked clothes towards my room.

* * *

><p>I sighed in content, now in dry clothes and wrapped in a warm blanket. I stared at nothing as I let my brain wonder a million things about my situation, but coming up with a million more. i would have thought myself to sleep if a faint noise didn't alert me of something. A thing that I seemed to have completely forgotten upon my trip here. Something I was sure I had left back at Person's house.<p>

But sure enough, right there, where Dumpling sat earlier, lied the source of my interruption. I can't believe I left that at home.


	13. Hello? Pizzaman!

**Welp, here's this. after, oh what ha it been? Let's settle since forever?! sounds about right. But as some of you are aware I have another story i'm working on. I think it would be worth a look if you like One Piece. Anyway, I liked this chapter, it was fun and was actually quick to write. Enjoy, drop me a complaint about how I'm unreliable or how you liked the chapter. ENJOY LADIES AND GENTS!**

* * *

><p>I stared silently at the small object, lighting up amongst the dull sheets of my bed. Why did he bring this here of all things. I slowly grasped the phone and answered the call.<p>

"Hello?" I asked slowly, almost frightened on what may respond from the other side.

"Yes, is this pizza delivery?" a staticy voice asked. I nearly dropped my phone at how anti-climatic that was.

"Yes it is, we'll be delivering your hot and ready to go jalapeños chocolate spread pizza in a matter of minutes. Please wait and STOP CALLING." I respond in a rah manner, hanging up and pocketing the small object. I kinda wished it would be one of my old friends, asking about me in a fit of panic or something.

I sat up and walked back out of my room, still sopping wet. I glanced down either side and spotted bird boy not far away. I stalked towards him and saw him flinch away slightly at the sight of me. I stomped towards him and threw my arms around him. He was completely stumped as I pulled away, walking down the hall with a skip in my step. I glanced over my shoulder in time to see him scratch the back of his head, then grab at it with a look of total disbelief. He turned to send a look in my direction as I dropped a heap of burnt hair to the ground holstering the pair of scissors that I decided to keep with me.

I erupted into laughter as I was once again chased by the blonde transvestite. I ran up the stairs and to the roof spotting Pain and giving him a knowing look. He simply shook his head as he stared at me, not even wanting to ponder the damage I may have done to the mental or physical state of his 'warriors'.

I flung myself over the edge and sang giddily, "I believe I can fly!" Pain muttered a small, 'Well, since you sung it so nicely.' and then I soared lightly across the sky, not really giving a shit on how this is possible at all, I accepted the madness of this world awhile ago.

I heard Diedara's complaints and something about, 'You're lucky you can fly stupid bitch!' and Pain's retort of 'You're a bird, motherfucker.' followed by a reverberating smack sound. I didn't ponder on it for too long as I dove into a grove of trees and landing nicely. I looked around, slightly awed by the forest around me. I smiled happily before spotting something red. I grabbed it to find out it was a cloak.

Shrugging I slung the material over my shoulders and grabbed the basket laying next to it. The letter in the basket read, 'Deliver to Grandma Pain.' I shrugged, why not? I was headed back anyway.

Skipping merrily through the woods humming a happy tune drew out more attention then I thought. A small rustle came from my left, spinning to investigate, it happened again to my immediate right. I gasped and ran towards the 'cottage' coughbasecough'. I almost made it out of the break in the trees when a figure leaped at me.

Gleaming dangerously.

Oh so dangerously.

Like you have no idea how much danger gleamed.

Like BOOM BOOM CAUTION DANGER AHEAD.

I slapped that mofo with a sandwich, watching the beautiful twirl I sent that dumbass into. I nodded to myself satisfied at the bloodied corpse of Hidan before continuing on my merry way. Beware my danger bitch!

After sliding back into the base and gaining questioning glances from the members, I mad my way back to the roof and to Grandma.

"Grandma!" I cried out dramatically as time slowed once I bound out the door, tears dribbling slowly off my face. Pain turned to look at me as I handed him the basket before wiping my face.

Slowly, Pain pulled out the sandwich and stared. Still staring. Wow, it was like he was memorizing every last detail of that master sandwich.

"Sakura." he spoke softly.

"Yes?" I piped up curiously.

"There's blood all over my peanut butter jelly." he exclaimed. I looked at it and shook my head.

"No there isn't. I just lathered it in extra jelly." I stated. He pondered my words before nodding.

"Very well." and with that said he tucked the sandwich into his shirt right over his breast. Silence over took us before he belched loudly. "Very good."


End file.
